Hovering
by Princess-Amon-Rae
Summary: Hugh is hovering, which is perfectly normal. But the problem is he's hovering wrong. Paul is hovering, which is decidedly not normal. Paul doesn't hover, and if he were ever inclined to hover, he certainly wouldn't do it in such a physical manner. In which Paul is concerned because Hugh isn't hovering the way he normally does and Hugh nearly has a coronary because Paul is hovering.


Hugh is hovering, which is perfectly normal. Paul would be more concerned if Hugh wasn't hovering because hovering is something he's done for their whole relationship. He basically went to medical school to perfect the art of hovering. It's one of the ways that he shows his love.

Hugh has always been the one to make sure that Paul's physical body is kept in well enough shape to keep up with Paul's mind when it's firing on all cylinders. So really, it's no surprise that Hugh is hovering considering how Paul has put him through the emotional wringer recently.

First, there had been the Glenn, where Paul had gotten a little too close to death at the claws of the trapped tardigrade for comfort. Paul had downplayed it like the idiot he was until it had killed Landry, until Hugh had come off shift pale and horrified at Ripper's defensive actions and wondering how close it had gotten to him.

Then there had been when he and Lorca had butted heads in the medical bay and he'd lashed out in frustration. _The Frontal lobe is overrated. It only contains memory and emotional expression. It's completely unnecessary._ Paul still physically flinches every time he thinks about it and Hugh had barely said anything about it. 

Oh, he'd demanded to know _what the Hell_ Paul was thinking making a comment like that when he'd been right there, but Paul had explained that it felt like if he couldn't get the spore drive to work then it would be his fault all those people died on Corvan II. And dear, sweet amazing wonderful Hugh, who Paul absolutely did not deserve, had somehow understood and forgiven him.

(Honestly, Hugh's understanding still kind of baffles Paul because he'd been sure, _so sure_ , that that would be it, the moment when Hugh couldn't see any positive reasons to stay anymore.)

Paul's latest stunt of injecting himself with the tardigrade DNA and hooking himself up to the spore drive is somehow the worst offender though, because Hugh has been hovering wrong since they finished brushing their teeth.

When Hugh hovers, he does it with words and conversations and tricorders and any other kind of medical equipment. And yet here he is, hovering without any of those things and Paul knows that his request that Hugh stop worrying at the sink has no bearing on his actions.

"I told you to stop worrying, not to start worrying me," Paul jokes lamely as Hugh pretends to read his PADD. Hugh glances at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Hugh says and Paul leans forward.

"You're not talking. You always talk when I do something stupid like this. Talk to me. Please," Paul says. Hugh sighs and turns off his PADD. Paul reaches out and grabs his hand and squeezes it as tightly as he dares so that he won't reveal his desperation; because if he can't get Hugh to talk then he doesn't know how to make it better.

"What do you want me to say?" Hugh may not be giving Paul a lot of ground to work with, but he'll take every single inch.

"Anything," he says.

"I didn't know. I didn't know anything until I heard an emergency beam from engineering to med bay _for you_. And I thought it was because of Ripper. I thought that you were going to appear in med bay a torn apart mess like Landry." Hugh takes a deep shuddering breath and Paul reaches out and strokes the back of his neck with a firm gentleness.

"Instead I find out that you turned yourself into an illegal eugenics experiment and hooked yourself up to the spore drive. And I know what it did to Ripper so don't even try to downplay this one Paul. Then you had the gall to tell me that you did this _because of me_." Hugh takes another shuddering breath and when he exhales all the leftover tension eases out of his shoulders, so Paul moves and tucks himself into Hugh in that way they both love.

"You were in danger," Paul repeats and presses a kiss to the side of his head. Hugh chuckles darkly.

"I don't see how you figure that one," Hugh says.

"We were stuck in the middle of Klingon space. If we had been discovered, they would have blasted us into oblivion if we were lucky. More likely we would have been captured and tortured until we died or sold into slavery and it would have been my fault," Paul says and squeezes Hugh tighter.

"If it meant that you wouldn't have to face the possibility of any of that then I had to try," Paul says and pulls away so that he can look at Hugh properly. Hugh gives him a soft look and pulls him in for a kiss.

"Don't think that this means you're completely forgiven or that I'm done hovering," Hugh says warningly, and Paul feels the world fall back into place and gives him a soft smile in response.

"Of course not." Paul nuzzles Hugh gently with his nose. "But at least do me the decency of hovering properly." Hugh laughs at his words and the last of Paul's tension eases out of him.

"I love you, dear doctor."

"And I love you, dear scientist."

XXXXXXX

Paul is hovering, which is decidedly not normal. Paul doesn't hover, and if he were ever inclined to hover, he certainly wouldn't do it in such a physical manner. Paul just isn't that type of person.

And yet here Hugh is trying to wrap his brain around the fact that Paul has not stopped touching him since Harry Mudd was transported off ship. Paul is doing his best to keep it subtle; sitting a little bit closer to him as Hugh does a quick physical check, bumping elbows and brushing the back of his chair while he fills Lorca in on the events of the day, and Hugh is pretty sure that no one else on the crew notices, but Hugh thinks his brain might explode.

"Why Burnham and Tyler?" Lorca asks, clearly wondering why this breach hadn't been brought to him, and Paul sighs and gives him a tired look.

"All due respect, they were the only ones who would listen." Hugh manages, barely, to reign in the shocked and horrified look that he shoots at Paul, feeling like he'd just been sucker punched. Because Hugh knows Paul better than anyone else on board, and the idea that Paul hadn't been able to get him to listen, _to believe him_ is basically unthinkable.

"How many times did we loop?" Lorca asks. Paul looks at Hugh sideways and brushes elbows with him.

"Sixty," Paul say softly, like somehow he's guilty and it takes all of Hugh's professionalism to not sweep Paul into his arms. Lorca must suddenly clue in to how exhausted Paul must be because his stance loosens, and he nods at Hugh.

"Dismissed Lieutenant, Doctor." Hugh and Paul nod back and leave the ready room to head for their quarters. Paul hooks his hand into Hugh's once they're a few steps away from the door and Hugh feels his concern and guilt skyrocket. He waits until they are in the privacy of their quarters and Paul has flopped down onto their bed in exhaustion to voice his thoughts.

"Sixty times," he whispers, and Paul pulls him down to sit next to him on the bed while rubbing his face tiredly.

"Yeah," Paul says.

"Sixty times and I didn't believe you once?" Hugh asks. Paul sits up and cups Hugh's face in his hands while giving him a fond, yet haunted look.

"I didn't give you many chances," Paul says. Hugh frowns at him at that.

"What does that mean?" Hugh asks. Paul gives him a soft, sad smile before his hands slid off his cheeks and he looks away from him and for a minute Hugh thinks he's going to have to beg for answers.

"I avoided you after the first five loops." Paul still hasn't looked back at him, so Hugh reaches out for him and turns Paul to face him.

"Tell me, please," Hugh says softly.

"I couldn't keep watching you die." Paul shudders and grabs for him. "That first time I thought maybe I had just hallucinated it, but it kept happening. You kept dying over and over and asking me what was wrong, and I wasn't strong enough to stay."

And Hugh had thought that Paul's admission in Lorca's ready room had felt like a sucker punch. That was nothing compared to this, as Paul starts to cry silently, grieving for all the Hughs he had lost and somehow still looking unbelievably _guilty_ , as if he expects that Hugh will be upset with him.

"Paul," Hugh says and pulls Paul against him, resting his ear over his heart so that he can hear it pumping. "Paul, baby, darling, I don't blame you for that. God, I couldn't have stayed either. Paul, baby, you saved us. You _saved_ me." He can't decide if he wants to hold Paul tighter or loosen his hold so that he can kiss him. Paul makes the decision for him, pushing off him and then surging up to kiss him deeply.

"I love you Hugh. I love you and I'm sorry that I almost fucked everything up between us over and over with the spore drive and Ripper. I love you so much, more than anything," Paul says with a hint of desperation in his voice. Hugh strokes the side of Paul's head to calm him and shakes his head.

"No. You have nothing to be sorry for." Then he raises an eyebrow slightly. "More than your mushrooms?" He means it as a joke, but it must fall a little flat because Paul looks legitimately offended. Hugh still takes it as a victory because now Paul is starting to look like himself.

"Of course! The mycelial network may be beautiful, but I would give it up in a heartbeat if it meant losing you." Paul pauses and looks up at him sincerely. "That was another reason why I had to stay away from you. I almost gave myself up to Mudd after I watched you die for the fourth time." Hugh leans in and nuzzles Paul lovingly as he laughs.

"And people say you aren't romantic, my dear scientist."

"I reserve it only for you, dear doctor."


End file.
